Brilliant writing. You can remember it well. But it is surprising the number of New Yorkers who can't or won't remember because their politics will not allow it.

I doubt that's true Jake, that's a day none of us will forget.

There was a beautiful memorial happening at One Liberty Plaza during lunch. I don't know if it's an all-day thing, but if you're down here it's worth participating. The NYFD (I think) has set up four church bells by the park, and anyone who wants can ring one.

Beautiful and haunting.

Eloquent as always Karol. Thanks for sharing your memories.

To this day if I hear bag pipes I nearly break into tears. I had been to many funerals in the past that used bag pipes but I had still always associated bag-pipes with good things like parades and St. Pats. Now I can only think of the 100's of 9/11 funerals. Tears me up.

I had never tried to write it down before so please don’t bust my bad writing skillz…and no quoting in italics that shit pisses me off…(LOL)

I come from a very conservative background, My Father (Sgt. 82nd Airborne hoo-rah, Vietnam and a drill instructor afterwards) and brother (West Point, 1st A.D., Gulf War I) served in the military and were deployed, they have been huge influences on my life. Even before 9/11 I felt that I should have served in the military and I feel guilty that maybe I haven’t done my share. My Mother emigrated from the Ukraine with her family and people from that region define conservatism morally and financially (rub every penny together or some saying like that I’m sure there’s a Russian phrase that does it in 2 syllables). My father was a NYC firefighter as are many of my relatives and my brother is a police officer. I work in the Financial Services industry because I like numbers and I’m an action junky (and I’m smaat…lol) I should probably be a cop, fireman or soldier and still may be one day. My experience on 9/11 was life altering as well as frightening. I had been living in Forest Hills, Queens with my college buddies and I moved back in with my parents for a few months while awaiting the closing of my first real estate purchase a huge (400sf) apartment on the Upper West Side. It was small, unrenovated and as my Mother put it: EXPENSIVE (lol) but it was mine. I loved my buds but it was time to move away from the frat atmosphere and be on my own for the first time in my life. My parents were currently living on Long Island and I was taking the LI rail into Penn Station (which is real grim by the way, don’t do it).

I guess like everyone else it started out pretty normal. Damn, kind of like today. I was riding the E trade down to work, which I did frequently did to avoid the 2-train crush at Penn Station. I had recently signed a contract (closing date to follow) on my first apartment on the Upper West and I was feeling real good about moving into the city as I had lived in Queens for most of my professional career. My office is on Broadway a couple of blocks from where the WTC is and the E train lets u out right under the buildings. I also took this route because I had some success when I would walk a certain route so I was becoming superstitious and loathe to change my morning ritual (yeah I'm crazy...SO WHAAAT). I had a seat on the E (as usual) chugging along my lazy long-ass commute and I remember a Police Officer walking between the cars and he tapped the conductors door to tell him something (which I found strange, they rarely communicate), he said pretty clearly, because I was listening in case they were looking for someone, “a plane just crashed into the tower”. He then repeated it. Then the woman next to me asked what he said. I told her and watched it get passed down the train like an Elementary school game of electricity.

We had stopped for a while then the train pulled into Chambers and let us out. I saw the fire in the first tower and there was a large albeit calm crowd in the streets. Then suddenly like being at Shea stadium or near JFK as I had once lived in Woodhaven, Queens I heard the 2nd plane coming and the noise lasted forever until there was an earth shattering thunderclap explosion. I thought it was all over. I looked up and realized I was under scaffolding so I quickly moved to a door in case the building collapsed (and to survive the crowd) becaused the entire earth shuttered like a massive earthquake. The crowd turned into a frenzy and people were literally trampled underneath it was like a Godzilla movie, it’s the only way I can describe it. Nurses, Soldiers, Businessmen running for their lives, as if a 200 foot prehistoric fire-breather was on their tail. Of course it was against the direction I wanted to go, I wanted to goto my office to tell everyone to get out because there was an attack (it was pretty clear at that moment that 1 plane is an accident, 2 planes is an attack) so I began to wade through to the crowd to get to my office being I was trying to be very nice and even trying to calm people who were stampeding over by their fellow New Yorkers. I saw both buildings on fire like a giant matchstick as I moved perpendicular to away from it, surreal became the word I associate with the feeling. But I’m not completely sold on “surreal”. My 2 most vivid memories or nightmares u could say, was I saw people jumping from the tower in order not to be burned to death and I saw a Fireman in plain-clothes (shorts, work-boots and a t-shirt..not sure what he was doing prior) carrying rescue gear moving against the crowd with me “hustling” to get to the fire. I thought to myself he’s a brave dude. We did part ways as I made a broad semi-circle to get to my office from Chambers to try and avoid debris and the crowds. I walked to the seaport and then down to wall up past the NYSE (I thought about my friends who work there White, and Nelly and then I remembered 1 of White’s strengths that I admire most and got us through some tough professors in College is his ability to assess the situation and make a decision usually to the benefit of white I call it sense of survival; when we worked together and got caught cheating he helped save my ass in the spur of the moment, The Professor approached…wait I digress…short answer white can take care of himself I know this and I found out later after the first plane he was out of the Exchange and goin to brooklyn) I kept thinking I must head to my office and make sure everyone evacuates or at least is accounted for (what if someone was trapped or missing we could notify the authorities or help, I wasn't thinking rational). I did not think the towers would collapse, I honestly didn't, but I did think there was a chance for round 3 of attacks. The 2 towers were like matchsticks as I was a little bit away and could see the buildings from a distance (surreal?). I distinctly remember seeing people’s paperwork flying through the sky’s and the smell of burnt rubber/gas/flesh god knows. Blue sky to the left of me, horror to too the right, (here I am stuck in the middle with you.....)

I got to my office and half the people were there and it was a semi-state of pandemonium. My boss, who is a retired Vietnam War Veteran (USMC..tough), I believed experienced flashbacks and that in itself was very scary and something I had never experienced before. At one point, this man who I respected and I know faced serious combat in Vietnam and even killed people, was sitting in the conference room by himself, glued to the TV counting his rosary beads. My other boss, who never comes to the office wanted to trade bonds. See as the attacks happened there’s a massive flight to quality into the least risky of assets, U.S. Treasury Bonds. One of our primary Broker/Dealers was Cantor so there was no trading to do. She even wanted mundane tasks done like faxing monthly reports. We haven't forgotten her actions either, disrespect for the safety of the workers.

At my office I immediately thought of Cantor, as I am in the Fixed Income Markets, and the people we knew who worked in the towers. Along with Morgan Stanley and Lehman and ....man I thought those fires would eventually go out. I was trying to contact family and friends and the phone service was spotty but IM worked which I thought was strange but it was my only form of communication. I made arrangements with SMFA that I would go to his apartment, which was a good safe distance from the towers. Time went by and everyone showed up to work, and we were preparing to leave around 10am when a slow building rumbling sound akin to a roller coaster on the descent or an ocean wave, I can’t even say what it was like because now it’s something I distinctly remember and it was like nothing I have ever heard, but the tower collapsed down on itself. I was in shock, I thought to myself that 10’s of thousand people died. I instantly thought about the Fireman I saw fighting the crowd to get to the fire. I thought of my Dad who is a NYC Firefighter as are 4 of my Uncles (and so is my attorney who was arranging my closing). They all lived, Several hundred of their brothers did not. When I see a coffin and hear bag pipes I think of this moment and I have trouble thinking about this exact moment as I think of loved ones dying. I’m not a very emotional guy but even writing about my feeling during this moment effects me greatly emotionally (this is the point in the story when I wish I could write as good...well as Karol...lol)

I remember IM’ng my brother about who could’ve been behind this, I think we both agreed it was Saddam and he actually wrote that it could’ve been someone like Bin Laden who already did the Cole and the embassy. I honestly thought it was Saddam but I within 1 hour of the planes hitting that it was a terrorist attack on the United States and we must have revenge.

I couldn’t get in touch with my lovely girlfriend of many years because phone service wasn’t completing calls and anything out of 212 wasn’t going through. The last IM I sent out was that “the buildings are going down”. I couldn’t contact anyone via anything Phone, IM, Cell, whatever, for many, many hours later. Everyone was pissed and very happy later on, a very strange mix of feelings that you get from the family when you disappear, lol. Especially my lady!

A large cloud of moon dust slammed the windows and we all hit the floor like trained soldiers. Our building felt like it was going to collapse. There was smoke /dust everywhere…The line from Bronx Tale “Now you’s can’t leave”, I realized we missed our window, but if we left earlier we could’ve been killed by debris. I had a client meeting that day, an important one, they called to cancel (yeah, no shit). The second tower collapsed the same way in what felt like seconds after. Rumbling sound, watching the 2nd tower pancake, window smothered in dust, soot, debris and smoke. I think it was around 11:30 or noon when they announced over the loud speaker that we were evacuating (they had told us to stay put after the 1st building collapsed). It was my idea to wet napkins to put over our faces for the walk as there was a great deal of thick smoke and I think I had seen it on TV or my Dad once told me along with the stay low smoke rises advice. I can’t even call it smoke it was more like debris suspended in air (I thought about LC and the Dude; is smoke a solid arguments over and over in College, LOL). As I was leaving the building and shielding my lungs from soot with a wet napkin I left the building with my co-workers and saw something again that I would never forget. 2 women standing outside my building in a thick cloud of asbestos/smoke/soot cloud and 3 inches of moon dust on the floor smoking cigarettes like it was a coffee break. I couldn’t believe people could smoke in an environment like that. It was like a blizzard had come through New York in the summertime, very weird. I had my “nice” suit on because of the client visit and I got covered in dust and debris.

I walked from Broadway and Chambers to 14th Street, took the L to the uptown trains I believe the 4 Trains were spotty at best. I got to uptown and I walked past many Upper East side bars packed with Yuppie types drinking corona’s with lime and watching the news. I used one of the 2 quarters I had to call my college roommate SMFA who told me to come to his place, but he wasn’t home. I wasted my 2nd quarter calling him 30 minutes later but again, he wasn’t home. I went to Central Park and sat on the rocks near the great lawn and watched f-16’s fly over the city and I wondered (and wished I had bought my place sooner!). Central Park has been very important for me since then as the apartment I was buying was on 72nd and CPW and I would spend a great deal of time in the park. It eased the pain, a little. The way I think has been changed forever. My girlfriend (now my Wife, yeaayyy!!!!) thinks I suffer from Post-traumatic stress disorder, but I’m not buying it. People have suffered way more than me throughout history and I know many people went through a lot more than me that day (and lost a lot more too). I feel unresolved anger at all things Islam which may be politically incorrect but it is how I feel. I thought if I enlist and fight in Iraq against Saddam or Afghanistan (or Pakistan or Sudan or Somalia, etc…I don’t think I was alone either maybe Bush even felt that way) that would help me move on and maybe I could feel revenge, but that is selfish. As my Dad said “People fight so you don’t have to. We all have our place in this fight and you and everyone else going back to work downtown will be a victory for us”.

That was beautiful, Dan.

DT - scary stuff. I remember being on IM with you that day and at a certain point you made me think you weren't making it out of there. It was an all around terrifying day. Glad to see you writing about it.

Karol, you writting your blog reminds me of why I am where I am (in Iraq doing patrols with Marines out of somebody's house we took over). While I read your blog and Dan the X-republican's comment pushes me everyday. Thank you for not letting people forget!

Thanks Karol, and esp. Dan, for the effort. I tried to write about then, but instead could only come up with something about now.