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October 26, 2007

One of those personal posts, or "Kim, you need to leave him."

I was planning on having a busy weekend. A birthday party and a poker tournament tonight, followed by a Sunderland game and another party tomorrow.

Then, two days ago, I went to the dentist and ended up spending four hours there. When I left, my cheek was swollen and my dentist warned me I might have a black and blue.

The next morning I did indeed have a bruise and my cheek had swollen to chipmunk proportions.

Now, I'm not vain (egotistical, maybe, but not vain). It's not that I mind people seeing my deformed face, it's more that I'm afraid people will notice it, not ask about it, and think I'm catching a beating somewhere. And while I joked with my friends all last night that my friend Pheeleepok has been laying down the law on my face, I'm not sure how to jokingly bring up to strangers that it was a dental procedure and not the back of someone's hand.

The two parties are my main concern. At both I will likely only know the birthday boy/girl, and maybe one other person. At the poker table I can comfortably joke about my condition. I guess I can skip the Sunderland game if I feel uncomfortable going. Should I just stay in all weekend? Or can you all suggest a good way to bring up to strangers than I'm not a battered wife?

Posted by Karol at October 26, 2007 12:53 PM | TrackBack
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Comments

Mmm, you could b*tch loudly and repeatedly about the "hatchetman of a dentist" and how he messed up your face? I mean, tell the story in a witty manner and people will be like, "Oh my gosh, you've gotta hear Karol's story...".

Then, of course, you'd get sued for slander...but what's worse, a courtroom appearance or the "intervention" trip to a battered woman's shelter? ("Dammit, I'm not even seeing anyone...it's okaaaaaayyyyyy!!")

Posted by: James at October 26, 2007 01:09 PM

Say you had "fourteen Ketel One bloody marys at an Irish pub" and the next thing you knew your face was in the sidewalk.

Posted by: See-Dubya at October 26, 2007 01:17 PM

Say you had "fourteen Ketel One bloody marys at an Irish pub" and the next thing you knew your face was in the sidewalk.

Hahhahaha. Or, even better, I can say I'm pretty sure a liberal beat me up (even though my dentist is an awesome conservative: http://www.alarmingnews.com/archives/003162.html )

Posted by: Karol at October 26, 2007 01:21 PM

wear a mask :) joking

Posted by: cora at October 26, 2007 01:29 PM

I say you have a buttload of fun with it and pretend you live in a trailer park in the south and your drunken, deadbeat, husband beats you.. but you stay with him because your a good Christian and can not divorce him.

Posted by: sirfwalgman at October 26, 2007 01:30 PM

I think you should seize on the fake Randi Rhodes story and claim that you were walking down the street minding your own business when you were attacked by a screaming band of left-wing peace activists !

Or better yet, you could assert that it was actually Randi Rhodes who attacked you !

Posted by: BadBoyInASuit at October 26, 2007 01:50 PM

"Now do you see why universal health care is a bad idea?"

Posted by: Shawn at October 26, 2007 02:38 PM

Awwwww hope it doesn't hurt too much! And there's no need to cancel. I ended up going to restaurants, lounges, birthdays, interviews and a bris with two bloody eyes after lasik. Honestly, people generally don't spend too much time dwelling on these things, and those who notice usually ask what happened. But I know about that self-conscious feeling. See you tomorrow!

Posted by: Yelena at October 26, 2007 03:16 PM

I think you mess with everyone and give out two different stories. For those who want to hear this is a result of a physical assault, tell them it is. For those who don't make assumptions, tell them the truth. Keep everyone off guard.

Posted by: StB at October 26, 2007 04:23 PM

Tell them "like Hillary, I stand by my man".

Think how much birthday boy/girl will appreciate you coming: no need for supplying topic for conversation!

Posted by: Tatyana at October 26, 2007 05:32 PM

Was it this guy?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime_file/2007/10/26/2007-10-26_phony_dentist_puts_ill_patient_out_on_br.html

Posted by: Jamie at October 26, 2007 10:40 PM
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