They stand by their man for the same reason Carmella Soprano stood by Tony (most of the time). They're just as power-hungry and morally bankrupt as their husbands, and anything they can do to spend one more day in the governor's mansion or the White House, they will do, no matter how humiliating. Silda knew she was marrying a thug and a bully and a creep, just as Carmella did, but none of that mattered, or rather it was part of the attraction.

I often think of that scene in "Bugsy" where Warren Beatty beats the crap out of that guy, and Annette Bening gets so turned on by his brute display of power and savagery that she blows him. Silda and Hillary are Virginia Hill.

It's like the redneck in the mu'mu chasing after the cop car that's taking her wife beating husband to jail (to bail him out) while screaming "But I's Luuuuv yous!"...

This is just the "less" rednecked version.

Well for HIllary at least it was about the power. Se had to stick with Bill to ride his coat tails long enough to build name recognition for her own follow-on political career. For Mrs. Spitser, I suspect it's that she's focused on raising three daughters, and probably not one to stand up much given such a power-mad husband. What does she do while her husband brings the walls down around her? Probably sit in shock for a bit, and then maybe pick up the pieces. Sad story. For shame.

It's not that I'm so opposed to women taking back a bad man (or a man taking back a bad woman), it's the public humiliation part I don't get. How do they get over that?

Silda Spitzer: "Sure, he's a self-centered, scumy, dirt-bag, asshole. But he's MY self-centered, scumy, dirt-bag, asshole."

Alternatively, as several articles have suggested, a lot of them find out about this stuff about 24-72 hours before the sh*t hits the fan. Now, some people can process "I've tossed aside several years of marriage, my political career that you have assiduously sacrificed for, and possibly my freedom for, at best, a few hours of pleasure" relatively quickly. We usually call those people "Defendant" or, provided there are no sharp objects around when the confession is made, "Mr. ___ ball-twisting ex-wife...".

However, most people are probably still in shock by the press conference. I mean, choose your betrayal analogy and it probably doesn't begin to come close to what Silda Spitzer is going through right now. However, I think once she gets her breath and/or gets the first few phone calls from her Harvard classmates, ol' Governor Spitzer might start to rethink sticking things out. Getting publicly castrated in divorce court will probably ruin what slim chances there are of him ever recovering from this--best be back below the radar when ol' Silda starts to earn a sovereign name (Silda the Emasculator?).

You are assuming that they all didn't know about the schnanigans before hand.

Dina McCreevy and now Silda could possibly of known, Hillary definately knew.

So whatever the public displays would of them saving face over their husbands 'betrayal'.

When they knew about it in their hearts for a long time.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think McGreevy and his wife split soon after she stood by her man? I think she would probably support your point.

As for Bill and Hill, I don't think their marriage was that of conventional love from the start. Yes, they are partners in some way. But, did marrital fidelity ever play a huge role in their marriage? You'd have to be more inside than most of us are to know that. I think Hillary probably found Bill to be more of an "idiot" than a "cheating bastard" when the Monica scandal erupted.

What about the wives of Mark Foley, Dick Armey, Robert Bauman, Rudy Guiliani, Newt Gingrich, Parker Bena, Howard L. Brooks, John Bolton, Mike Bowers, Richard Gardner, Mark Harris, David Hagar, Tim Hutchinson and Jim West to name a few? Would they have stood by in the midst of their husband's sex scandals or infidelity if given the opportunity?

I disagree with the comment about Carmella. She seemed to genuinely love Tony and accept his indiscretions because it was the only way to be with him.

As to the original topic, I agree that it's illogical. I'm someone who's been cheated on and taken him back, but it took a while. There's no what I could have stood with him on national television. I felt humiliated enough going over to see him at his apartment since his roommates all knew.

As to the commenter who said the kids are likely better off with them together, I wonder if that's really true. Unless the man has truly repented and shows on a daily basis just how much he knows he messed up, her kids are likely to get the wrong message. If like Bill, Spitzer merely continues this lifestyle after fake apologies, then she's telling her children that she isn't worth loyalty or even respect, unless she's in the marriage for power, which would make her no better than the prostitutes he had.

Normally I would agree with you, Fisch, but in this era anyone who has bareback sex with someone outside of their marriage (and I doubt every prostitute said no) is taking their partner's life in hand. I'm not saying that the governor and his wife didn't have an arrangement or that all your factors aren't in play, but I'd have to say that with HIV out there there'd have to be a lot more than 20 years of good times.

I'd also look at the example this sets for the daughters. So once you make it past Year X or Child # whatever that puts things in a new light? No, I'd have to establish that, above all things, your spouse must respect you--and Governor Spitzer has definitely shown a lack of respect for his wife both as a person and a spouse.

These woman are all weak -- bereft of character and self respect. I know many women who's rich husband screwed around on them only to stay because of the fear of being a single mother.

It's really sad how these women prostitute themselves for convenience.

But probably Spitzer was circumcised... supposedly the HIV risk is lower.

So it ain't so bad.

Apparantly.

Fisch, it's not about the cheating exactly. It's the total public humiliation. And while it might be understandable that she may stay with him, I don't get standing by his side as he apologizes in the press. Check out the two trackbacks on this post. Ace and Baldilocks both cover it well.

Baldilocks writes: "Being cheated on is one thing, but these women have also been humiliated. That's just a bit more than the standard level of treachery.

And on top of that, these women have been cajoled into standing there next to He of the Wayward Wanker and, yet again, listen to how they’ve been humiliated."

Ace writes:

"Charles Krauthammer opined on Hume's show that while Spitzer's slut-banging and money-laundering (allegedly... but who are we kidding) was odious, it was him asking -- or even allowing -- his wife to stand publicly by him for that humiliation which constituted "a hanging offense."

S'true: Even if a wife offers to do such a thing, a husband really ought to forbid her from doing so. The fact that she's even willing to suffer additional humiliation and heartbreak for the sake of her husband should be the prime reason he refuses to allow her to subject herself to that.

He didn't have her by her side when he was having unsafe sex with a hooker on Valentine's Day; he shouldn't ask to have her by his side as he faces the cameras."

Put me in the "shock" camp. She's been a politician's wife for a long, long, time. There have been other rough patches, and a politician's wife has a certain routine when something goes wrong.

If she didn't know what was going on, she's in total shock. So she does what she's always done when her husband's career is threatened. Give her some time to realize this isn't a temporary setback, and that it's really the end of the career they've both put their lives into.

There's a difference between humiliation you bring on yourself and humiliation foisted on you by another. Again, it's not outside the realm of possibility (though highly unlikely) that I'd forgive ole Eliot if I were Silda. But I hella wouldn't be standing by his side at the press conference.

Not sure if you've seen the show Little Britain, but there's a recurrent sketch that you might appreciate -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF6eRIAA6mE

I just love Matt Lucas as the wife! I agree, it is hard to fathom how these men convince their spouses to get up on a stage to show solidarity - not only is it humiliating, but farcical if they think they are convincing anyone of anything about their private lives. It's no one's business whether he's forgiven, I could give a crap. I hate when they expect to elicit sympathy for their wrongdoings, bleurch.

Just once I'd like to see one of these women slug her husband and call him a SOB during the press conference. Why they stand beside their husbands is beyond comprehension. If he was my husband he'd have a lot of trouble walking much less apologizing during a press conference.

I can't help but wonder why they ran wiretaps on him in the first place.Is he just being given up to divert attention from something bigger in the works?
sorry, I don't trust anybody in government these days

Three years ago I accidently let slip a bit of juicy gossip about the, Elliot Spitzer like, habits of a new neighbor of mine, a fireman. Unbeknownst to me, his ex-girlfriend was sitting in the chair next to me getting her hair done. It turned out my hairdresser knew the fireman too.

Two weeks ago, someone told his new girlfriend of only two months what I had said about him three years ago. The new girlfriend came and beat him up in front of all the neighbors. (we live in a cottage court) We all went outside to watch the festivities.

As she had been, to this point meek, and mild, I had no idea why she was breaking his house up and pummeling the crap out of him, but when he came up to me and screamed in my face," You eff'ing bitch, don't talk about me at the beauty shop," I figured it out pretty quick.

In Spitzer's case, his wife probably did beat his ass in private and I have learned not to gossip about my neighbors.

Just once I'd like to see one of these ladies assume the dais with their philandering husband and as soon as he commences his speech, punch him right in the mouth and walk off.

Nah, I'd rather hear that the [insert philanderer's job description] is unavailable for his scheduled conference due to emergency surgery. Followed by the spokesperson asking if here's a garbage disposal mechanic in the area as something needs to be removed from the gears.

But then again, I'm evil.

As far as I have heard, Ms. McGreevey allegedly knew about her husband's proclivities BEFORE they were married. She was his "beard," as people used to say. However, Silda Wall Spitzer gave up a promising law career to raise her daughters and support her husband's political career. She must be livid on the inside. If Eliot gets any regular money from Bernie (developer Dad), perhaps Silda can attach some of it in a divorce.

Another aspect of this situation which is not being scrutinized is the conflict of interest David Patterson will have with his father, Basil Patterson, and his father's law firm. The firm represents several of the state's largest unions, including the major public employee unions. Either the firm will have to give up these profitable clients or David Patterson may have to yield the governorship to Joe Bruno.

chsw - .....and Silda, you're still attractive at 48. E-mail Karol if and when you become available.

It would take an Orson Wells to make a movie that would do justice to the Eliot Spitzer saga.

If any of the Spitzer daughters are reading this, please stop now.

Fisch is right, there is a sickness obvious in the man, but it isn't so much sex addiction as power addiction. (I'm not huge on the sex=power equivalence, but here it works, I think.)

I mean, Spitzer made at least part of his reputation by putting prostitutes in jail. Any bets on whether or not banging a girl he could put in the slammer was part of the attraction for him?

And of course, part of real power is being able to say screw the rules whenever it suits your own id's needs.

And to continue the theme, how powerful must it have felt to have his wife stand by him like a good dog while the rest of the world reviled him? He can't throw her in jail, but at least he could throw her to the wolves. He probably wanted to have hot make-up sex right after that news conference.

Spitzer is an example of the worst that are attracted to politics, and how political power can make a bad man into a monster. Were he smarter, he might have had a chance to be be President someday.

Now there's a cautionary thought for you.

I always assumed that the press conference humiliation was part of the Faustian bargain of being a political wife. McGreevey's answer makes sense, though, you do it for your kids, who are probably having an even harder time of it than you are.

I always assumed that the press conference humiliation was part of the Faustian bargain of being a political wife. McGreevey's answer makes sense, though, you do it for your kids, who are probably having an even harder time of it than you are.